Twilight Southpark
by GLee68
Summary: Is Edward really indestructable? Why do Jasper and Emmett keep saying OH My God? What happens when Edward gets a taste of Southpark!


**AN: I do not own either Twilight or Southpark... I do own a sense of humour..... no copyright infringement intended..... **

Edward and his brothers were due back from the hunt at any moment. I had missed him so much. I had spent most of the day at his house being "made over" yet again by Alice. At least my annoyance with the pixie took the edge off my desperate longing for her brother's company. It was almost supper time. I had dinner prepared for when Charlie arrived home and decided to sit on the front porch to wait for whomever arrived first. I hoped it would be Edward. I would much rather welcome him home without Charlie watching. I was trying to be interested in the novel in my hands but my eyes kept wandering distractedly towards the woods that encroached up to side of the house.

Suddenly there was a loud yowling sound and all hell seemed to break loose. From the tree line sprang two pale figures. They were running and yelling loudly across the front driveway, diving dramatically onto the porch beside me. Fear gripped me as I realised who they were.

"Emmett! Jasper! What on earth is going on? What are you running from?" I screamed.

"STAMPEDE!" yelled Emmett

At that moment Edward burst from the woods, he seemed confused by his brothers' actions. He paused briefly in the middle of the drive and his eyes met mine. Before either of us could say a word a herd of elk stampeded from trees trampling Edward into a heap of rubble in the gravel!

"HOLY CROW! EDWARD!" I screeched! Before I could even run down the porch steps, Charlie's cruiser came barrelling into the drive and he rolled over the remains of what was formally my boyfriend.

"Oh My God They've killed Eddie" Jasper and Emmett chanted!

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Somehow they had managed to piece Edward back together from the rubble in Charlie's drive.

I was not altogether convinced that he had been reassembled correctly, his left cheek had a slightly chesty look, however I was glad to have Edward back so I could hold him.

We had decided to refrain from all risky activity so the family were playing safe games on the lawn behind their mansion. Of course, I Bella, would not participate, no game was safe for me.

Emmett had challenged his brothers to a "Totem tennis" tournament. He had succeeded in defeating Jasper when it was Edward's turn to play. No one can hit a ball as hard as Emmett.

As the ball flew and the tether began wrapping itself around Edward's neck, I was momentarily grateful that vampires don't really need to breathe. That was until I realised that a ball hit with that much force and velocity had turned the rope into the most lethal garrotte ever known. Edward's neck was relieved of the burden of his head.

I watched in growing horror as the head flew off and bounced down the nearby embankment into the river.

"Oh Bother!" muttered Carlisle, "That's going to be difficult to retrieve!"

"Anyone for fishing?" drawled Rosalie, "I'll grab a few lines and nets!"

"OH MY GOD! They've killed Eddie!" chanted Jasper and Emmett.

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Edward and I had decided to spend the day in our meadow. A little peace and quiet might help us to recover from the recent disturbing events. It was so nice to have some alone time with him. I love his family but they can be a little intrusive. I had reluctantly left Edward lying in the centre of the meadow. (I had to answer a call of nature, so I went into the nearby woods! It's embarrassing being human sometimes!)

I was fastening my jeans and returning when I heard a very loud whooshing sound. I looked up to see a large piece of metal (was that part of a satellite?) hurtling from the heavens. Just as it landed, in the middle of the clearing on top of Edward, three figures came running into view.

Alice exclaimed, "I came to warn... I saw... Oh too late!"

"OH MY GOD. THEY'VE KILLED EDDIE!" Jasper and Emmett chanted.

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This was all becoming a bit much. My nerves were shattered. I was beginning to think this "undying devotion destiny" thing was a bit overrated. I was seriously considering going out with Mike Newton for a little normalcy. Edward persuaded me, after being reconstructed yet again, that we just needed to do some normal human activities for a while. So with that grand plan in place we had come to Port Angeles to watch a movie.

I admit it was fun and relaxing. We sat at the back and made out during most of the film, I think it was a comedy. Edward had bought me a giant box of buttered popcorn. Needless to say I hadn't eaten hardly any, but he certainly looked cute with popcorn scattered through his bronze locks and sticking out from his shirt and pant pockets.

Suddenly the theatre doors burst open and I heard someone scream.... "OH NO it's the popcorn eating Zombies!"

"Not again!" groaned Edward as he disappeared under a mountain of rotting flesh.

Unbeknownst to us Emmett and Jasper had been sitting in the front row. I guess to keep an eye on us in case of something happening. They immediately rushed over to remove the moaning masses.

Surveying the scene in front of them they chanted, "OH My GOD! They've KILLED Eddie!"

**AN..... Please review.... there are more episodes to come!!!**


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